[For Peter?!]

[sorriest]

The door falls shut after Tris leaves, and then it's quiet in the dorm. I'm alone. It's just me and the board with all our names on it, with my name right at the bottom of the list. It's burned into my mind; my eyelids and my hands can't keep it out, my palms can't scrub it away. Dead last. Factionless. Sure, they're not going to kick me out today, but everyone knows it's coming. I'd need some kind of miracle to help me improve my rank and make it through the final stage. I wouldn't even have made it to stage two, if it hadn't been for Edward and Myra, and it's not like that was fair.

Maybe I should just quit, like they did. There's no point in trying anymore.

The thoughts running through my head aren't making it any easier to stop crying so I can get up from my bed and go before Tris maybe decides to come back after all, or someone else comes in. I keep wiping the back of my hand across my eyes, then I use my sleeve. It's hard to see and breathe. Stumbling to the bathroom, I wash my face and stay by the basin, watching the stream of water rush down the drain.

To be honest, I don't want to be alone, not really. For a moment, I thought that Tris was going to tell me her secret, how she's been getting through the simulations like they're a piece of cake. But why would she? Sometimes I think she only puts up with me because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings, but when I'm gone, she won't miss me at all.

Slowly, I stretch my hand out to turn off the faucet. It's over. I've made up my mind.

Comments

[twistedtruth]

I was out for a while, walking off the temper that being edged into second again had put into me. Molly and Drew didn't really understand it, but then they were never going to be in the top two of transfers in the first place, unlikely to make the top five of initiates at all. They didn't understand the importance of winning and holding that first place through each of the trials.

But they were idiots, so it was maybe forgivable.

When I do manage to get my temper back down, I lose both of them and I head back to the dorm, slipping in quietly. I can hear water running in the bathroom, so I know I'm not alone, but whoever else is in there is quiet for the moment and I take the time to contemplate the board and the Stiff's name, with her time, almost six minutes faster than my own.

How the hell is that even possible?

[sorriest]

I'm not alone in the dorm anymore when I step back out of the bathroom. Peter's there, standing in front of the board, and I freeze by the door. Even if I don't really want to be alone right now, I don't want to be in the same room with Peter, either.

He won't pick on me like he does to Tris. He won't attack me like we know he did to Edward. Maybe that's the problem -- it's another reminder that I was headed for the exit all along. That I could never be Dauntless.

Then something horrible crosses my mind, and I think about defending Tris now, like Will did, before Peter makes her the next Edward. He wants his name at the top of that list.

[twistedtruth]

I hear the water shut off, hear the shuffle of feet behind me. Al has a distinct footstep, so it's easy to tell that it's him, but I don't turn around from looking at the board.

There was silence across the dorm, from where Al was standing, still near the bathroom, to where I'm standing. It's almost oppressive, waiting to see if Al was going to say anything or just stand there and be silent and staring until I leave.

Finally, I half turn and say, "You just gonna stand there, Albert?"